I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
