Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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