Having a random hookup so left but love u
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
