Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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