hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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