Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
