Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize