I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
