im six kinds of drunk right now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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