I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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