A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
