I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
