I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
