u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
