Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
bring money and cleavage
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
