Where did you get a picture of my penis
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
