I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
