What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
