He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize