Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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