She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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