Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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