She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
