Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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