yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
