Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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