If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
