He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He shit in the fireplace
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
