how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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