not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
