We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
