Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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