you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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