There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
