3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
