So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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