i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
