I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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