Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
being pregnant is like rehab
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
