I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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