If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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