I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
