1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
