Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
