Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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