girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
