She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
