We're like a lot better than the average bears
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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