i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
