I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
