he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
