we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
