I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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