If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
