it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
