my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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