I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
