If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
