She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
