Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
