we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
