as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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