you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize