We won't sleep together?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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