Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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