last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
