we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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