It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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