I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
