Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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