I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
