no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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