Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
