you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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