So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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