I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize