I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
